Extract MacSchrodinger's Cat

Chapter Two - In Which MacSchrodinger Explains The Origin Of His Cat

The shadows of the room seemed to darken perceptibly as each man present felt the full impact of what Niels had said, sink deep into their consciousness and the rabbit fainted as well. Niels rested his hands on the lectern and absently-minded let his eyes wander about the theater before coming to rest on the rabbit, in doing so, he wondered what on earth it was doing there.

Quietly, without any fuss at all, a tall thin man with a nova of red hair, stood up at the back of the lecture theater. He gripped the desk in front of him with a rigid gnarled hand and stared down at the group with a taunt wild gaze that shone through his circular wire spectacles like the kindling sun; rising above the Hibernian Sea with the glowing promise of great guns afoot.

"Gentlemen, my name is Mac Schrödinger!" he cried, rolling out the broad Scottish accent, “It was maself who discovered this type of cat yer're been 'erre discussing  ... and I think, tha' therre  few things yer should need to know abut this 'erre beastie."

A deep silence fell into the room as everybody looked expectantly towards the newcomer. He stood spotlighted by the dust sparkling in the beams of light, which shot through the darkness of the room to carve a day in the dark of the theatre. The rabbit woke up and poked its head up over the edge of the box.

"As yer very well know indeed," said Mac Schrödinger slowly and with distinct care as he made his way down the stairs," a few years ægo while on a big game hunting expedition in Cheshire; on tha dark and terrable continent called England," the 'RRR's' thrilled through the air, "that I first discovered this extraordinary species of Cat!" He spat the word out. "At great risk to myself, mind ye, and with a terrible loss of life to ma hunting party."

He now stood in front of them, before the blackboard and resting his hands on the box in which the rabbit cowered within.

"Ach, næ doubt yer have read in the popular press," he paused as if to show his contempt of that institution," of the extra-orrdinary events that took place on the expedition. Of the terrible, terrible battle that took ocurred twixt the camps baker and the deadly, deadly Jabberwocky! And how we lost the self-same baker in his last heroic final conflict with tha' terrible, terrible Boojum Quark!"

This brought numerous shivers of acknowledgement, as well as a few shudders amongst the professors as whispers of the phrase, "Twas brillig, and the slithy toves," did gyre and gimble amongst the distinguished gentlemen.

"Ach, however, I doubt very much, very much indeed, if any of yer did chance to hear of the even darker more sinister happening that took place on that most horrible journey through that most terrifying of countries."

At this, the elderly gentlemen leaned forward half in fear, half in fascination: as the room became so quiet you could have heard the peristalsis of a rabbit.

"On the eighteenth day of the journey out from Glasgow, after many a great mishap and wild empty trail into the careeneiong moutaions, we finally came right to the pinnacle of this terrible sheer ben, wherre we had corrnered this incrredible fiend on a dark and glimmering night na fit for maun nor beasite, a great hooting of a night was it, with lighting bolts and blue blistering thunder rolling from one horizon to thæ next, the very roots of the Earth shook beneath us.

And æ great terrible beasity was it too indeed, the likes of which yer wouldna seen before. A great snarling and æ hissing, spitting and æcursing us it was. No muckle of æ taddy was it with great glimmering eyes and long whipping tail, snapping from side to side, daring us to so much as pat it!"

Albert found himself gulping with fear.

"Finding that nay maun, marrk me, nay maun," he crooked a long bony finger at his audience, "in the parrty hæ the spleen to volunterr and go forrward to tackle the grreat hideous crreaturre.

"'Verra guid!' I said,'I'll do it maself!' Aye! marrk me, maself! To trry and capturre the 'orrrible monsterr maself. So I took æ drrop of the Milk of Loch Tay frrom the foot of Ben More forr æ wee touch of the old Dutch courrage ya ken, and began making ma way up the cliiface, slowly towarrds this terrrible monsterr, the rain poured down as it mushave when Noah himself made the Ark, and as I did I saw it turrn its hideous face towarrds me wi' its grreat pointy teeth. Yer should have seen its eyes, maun, they werre the likes ya never seen afore, they took on this weirrd eerie glow hanging like twa grreat shimmerraing moons on æ foggy Saturrday night overr Aberrdeen -if yer've been to Aberrdeen yer know wha I meent- these grreat eyes, they seemed to shine rright down into my soul, blisterring and æ burning away all the secrrets of my liff. I felt the whole world was apperaing a-don at ma. Naked afore the universe. Neverrtheless, I was deterrmined to capturre the beastie, so I moved forrwarrd once morre to lay my hand upon this terrrible creaturre of the night,  and just as I was about to grrab it, I the cat just faded away I into the næhing, atom by atom disappearring into the void, until therre was absolutely næhing left behind but this fantastical exprression of an insolent, sarrcastical grrin! And æ-then that too in its own turrn I vænished!"

This brought gasps of amazement from the audience.

"Everr since then I have wonderred, wha could have possibly happened to that cat andwherre in the worrld it could have gott," here he paused significantly, "orr wherre næ in this worrld it could have gotten too!"

The jaw of the rabbit fell open with amazement.

"Now gentlemen, yer ken, I believe I know."

His face took on that strange aura usually reserved for messiahs, prophets and punk rockers on heroin.

 "I reckon that both yon cat and mon, jumped into another…," he lifted his hands in messianic transformation, "Univerrse!!"

This is continued in my  MacSchrodinger's Cat.

Copyright reserved by Jim O’Brien ©